The Kingdom of Weird

It has begun.


Welcome to the new world kids. What has become of us? Who am I? Better yet, who are you? Just where do we draw the line in the sand and take a stand?
Organic chemistry will define us in some certain terms and I do not intend to challenge organic chemistry, but I've come to terms with the fact that we're just weird. When you use that kind of word to describe someone, the circuits in your brain will automatically call up certain sensory responses and mental images. Maybe it's that ravenous beast Bush, who wastes every dollar we give him. Or it's your dad who voted for him. Maybe it's the straight man that looks sideways at any fruit loop that crosses his path (dare not insult a man's manhood), like he were a black cat...or a venomous snake. No, we know who the venomous snakes are. They don't need to be classified as weird. They avoid the weird just as much as I do. Weird is the pervert that steals little children out of their bed in the night. Or the computer nerd that can type faster than he can hand write. Ho-ho.
Can we come to some sort of compromise here? I'm not asking for a whole lot other than the truth. But, you ask the same four people for the truth and you'll get four personal versions that couldn't deviate more from the truth if it bit them in the foot. Ask the same four people who witnessed the planes smash and explode into those two shining middle fingers to the entire Middle-East what happened that day and you'll get four totally different explanations. It's just human nature to exaggerate the truth...or try to define it by reasonable terms in the capacity your brain can handle.
"It was like someone threw a bomb 400 feet in the air and detonated it! Kablooey!" Exclaimed Steve as he cowered behind a mailbox on 3rd Avenue.
"I don't know what happened...but I'm angry!" exalted Bob as he pounds a Bud in honor of those dead souls that leaped from the upper floors.
"It must have been some kind of solar flare...Some kind of natural phenomenon that caused those planes to fly off course. What else could it be? No one would want to hurt the great country of America!" The sheep bleated.
Mikey was convinced it was the Martians. He's been warning us for years about those god damned little green men and we never took him seriously. But now they're unloading into our nation by the twos and threes. Knocking down our women and knocking down our trees. And where the hell are all the bees?!
I'm getting distracted. Luckily Walmart will fill my prescriptions for the 10,000 new diseases and conditions I have developed since September 11th for under $4. Ye-haw!
The mere thought of little green Martians hiding behind the cloak of black linen waiting for the very moment you feel safe to blow the whole thing up is absurd. But so is the idea of terrorism. We've been terrorizing each other for eons. Amazingly we've managed to carry AND make a profit.

"Any sales today?! How much will I save?? What's the percentage off?"
"99% off ma'am. 99% off EVERYTHING. It all has to go! We're going out of business!"
"Oh no! How could that be? You have such great products! Why are you going out of business?"
"No one wants to buy from the little guy anymore. We tried to satisfy the price-conscious and still offer a high quality product, but we had to outsource to do it."
"Oh, you mean everything is made in China? Forget it....Can't we get ANYTHING made in America anymore?"
"Not for 99% off! We'd have to charge double to make a clean profit and stay in business!"
"I don't care if you're in business. I just want to save money...that's why I buy everything at Walmart. I even bought my cemetery plot at the Everyday Low-Price of $499 for when the Arabs blow up another building! They're going to have these nice strong Mexican boys dig the hole extra deep so the earthworms don't eat my brains out until 2025! It's guaranteed!"
"Well I sure hope you enjoy the fine service those strong young Mexicans provide. It'll be a great trip to Hell in that discount casket you bought at Walmart."
"But they have the best prices in town. And they were throwing in a headstone for my dead dog too...at 99% cheaper than the competitor."
"How many competitors did you get price quotes from for your grave?"
"Well..none I guess. I just went to Walmart like the TV told me to. They told me they guaranteed the lowest price. Why would they lie? Good Christians don't lie."
"Well don't ya say!? I wonder if Jesus himself was quoted! Someone needs to call the Associated Press! This is a big news story on our hands. Good Christians don't LIE. Someone's got to tell the masses, or we're going to have more weirdness on our hands!"

They all lie. Over and over again....To everyone that crosses them and stands in their way of getting what they want. They'll throw you into the pit if they thought it'd get them ahead in heaven...or into any position of power in this reality. Ask our Commander in Chief. He's the main Weird in charge of the second coming of Christ.

Pretty soon we're all going to be made in China... if the market is right. Truth is we've been outsourcing our work to those millions of little hands for decades at a fraction of the price commanded by the US job-market. With union rules and the inevitable strikes...heh, there's a term for you lazy and repugnant pigs. STRIKE- Refusal to work and commanding more money. You spoiled rats had it made! But you got fat heads and thought you didn't need to to the work anymore. So, the Weird went to China and got someone else to do it. Someone who won't complain, but will work and take our money until they've gained enough knowledge of our economic system to destroy it.
A revolution is at hand. Throughout history we've been taught that revolution is the outcome of power changing hands. It can be pretty damn violent. The blood stains on the Lincoln Memorial will be hard to clean up when we get through with these greedy bastards. We're going to have to print new money to pay for the messes we're making.
By then though, the money printing will be outsourced to China where we get twice the bills for half the buck. If we knew what was good for us, we'd tear them limb from limb now while we still have half a shot. And it's only going to get as good as HALF a shot cuz they have us outnumbered by the trillions. Suck the meat from the bone and form a huge drum circle to celebrate the uprising.
"Finally, a lift in humanity! For once in history, we'll show THEM. We'll beat on their dried skins pulled over empty kegs of Bud and make thunder jealous of our sound."
American sound. The kingdom of ego and idiots. The Kingdom of Weird.